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Becoming Juniper

Sunday, 29 March 2009

Recipe: Hazy Sunrise

5 oz. orange juice
1.5 oz. vodka
1 oz. peachtree schnapps
1 oz. triple sec
Splash of maraschino cherry juice
A few cherries for good measure
Mix orange juice, vodka, schnapps and triple sec in a shaker with ice. Pour into a hurricane glass, and add a splash of maraschino juice and a few cherries.
Delectable!

Friday, 20 March 2009

On Terrorism

My problems seem so insignificant now.
I just watched a video on msnbc. It was of a Canadian citizen who had been kidnapped by the Taliban. Shae has been held hostage for three months in the Pakistan area--she's not sure exactly where. She was pleading for her embassy to do something on her behalf. The Taliban has set a time limit. By the end of the month, if their demands haven't been met, they will kill her.
I wept when I viewed this video, begging God to bring her home safely.

How can we as people do this to one another? How can we as people commit such atrocities as genocide? How can we enslave one another, forcing them to do terrible things that breaks them beyond repair?

Why, God? Why do You allow it? Why not release Your wrath and put an end to this horror?

Thursday, 19 March 2009

On My Personality

Keeping a blog seems a very egocentric thing to do. Why do I suppose that anyone would care to read about my small life?
Ah well... Maybe I just need a safe place.
I wonder if there is something wrong with me. Do I have a personality disorder? Why else would I make him so miserable? He tries so hard to please me, but apparently I'm a totally unreasonable person with excessive expectations.
I wish I could be the docile and gentle woman that I think women of faith are supposed to be. But is that really what we are meant to be? Does God also use lively and outspoken women too?
-Juniper

Monday, 16 March 2009

On Vulnerability

It hurts me when you withdraw. When you do that you are telling me that I cannot be trusted with your vulnerability. You are telling me that you do not care enough about me to share your true self to me. You are telling me that you would rather be alone, than share your life with me.

It breaks my heart.

Fight for me. I am worth it, but I don't feel that you believe that.

-Your Juniper

Thursday, 12 March 2009

On Waffle

My cat is my hero.

I wish I could love more selflessly. I wish I could warm someone's heart simply by being adorable. I wish I could play without inhibitions. I wish I could be satisfied with a simple life. I wish I could live without becoming consumed by worries.

Yeah, my cat is pretty amazing.

-Juniper
On the Hunt

I have made contact with well over 50 different companies. I have had 8 interviews (two of which were 2nd interviews).
I'm starting to lose steam. I've been trying so hard. It hasn't been many weeks, but the strain of "putting the best foot forward" and trying to sell myself is starting to get to me. I so desperately want to be done with it all. I want to find a career I love that pays me what I need to make in order to pay my bills.
This morning I contacted my mortgage company to look into restructuring or refinancing our home now that my current employer has cut my pay in half. I'm hoping Obama's new plan to assist homeowners will benefit me. The problem is that the person who is supposed to call me back, probably won't call back for 45 to 60 days. ...so... How am I to pay my mortgage on the 1st? "Just do your best" the lady on the phone told me. She seemed so apologetic and genuine. I wouldn't want to be her. To have to give the same (less than helpful) line to the hundreds of people who call in each day. I'm sure she speaks to a lot of rude folks.
*sigh*
Oh Lord. Oh Lord help me.

-Juniper

Wednesday, 04 March 2009

On Motivation, Take 2

I thought it was hard to be motivated at work on Monday. That's NOTHING compared to trying to be motivated if I don't have work and I don't have any leads for work. Yesterday wasn't so bad because at least I had a plan: something to do to work towards that goal of getting a rad new job. I had an interview. This morning I had nothing. I can't even begin to tell you how depressing it was. The only reason I got out of bed was that my phone was ringing and scaring the crap out of my cat.

As luck would have it, though, the phone call was from a recruiter. I ended up getting that all-important so-I-can-feel-like-I'm-accomplishing-something interview after all.

We'll see what happens.

Oh please, oh please, oh please hire me...

-Juniper

Monday, 02 March 2009

On Motivation

It's hard to be motivated right now.
My company reduced my pay rate by ten percent not long ago. Now they've also reduced my hours. Even with unemployment benefits, I'm not sure I'll be able to pay my bills.
I know that "it's not personal, it's business." If my company doesn't have the coin in the coffers, obviously they can't continue to have me work full time at my normal rate. Still, how do I invest myself in an entity that marks me as one of its two least valuable assets? Everyone (except the President) received the pay cut, but only myself and one other person have been told to work fewer hours. I know that it is my responsibility and duty to choose my own attitude. I know that I ought to simply put my best foot forward and be thankful that I have 24 hours, even if it's not as many as I need. Truth be told, I don't know how to do that. I don't know how to "make lemonade" out of the lemons that life has granted me. And I don't know how to not resent the President. He said that everyone is making cutbacks. Where are his cutbacks? He says he can't take a pay cut because he has mortgages to pay. Right... Well, all of us office folk have mortgages to pay. I can't afford to work part time with a pay cut, but I'm going to have to get by somehow.
What am I going to do?
Oh Lord God, I've tried to trust in You for many years now. Your word says that You will provide. I don't know how to believe that right now. I guess I have no other option. Please forgive my unbelief.
-Juniper

Saturday, 28 February 2009

On Destiny

Of what value is my life? I have not accomplished the great things I once imagined I would. I have not found the greatest love story of all time, or taken the most beautiful photograph of the ages, or made the greatest sacrifice for the greater good. I thought I would be truly great. I thought that I would be memorialized in the history books for some wonderful accomplishment.

Alas, I am dreadfully average. I am not divinely beautiful, angelically good, or dazzlingly clever. I am just a small person in a small life. I love as fully as I can, but I fail more often than not. I try to create beautiful works of art, but I never take anyone's breath away. I try to do what is right, but I have never made a great impact on the world around me.

Something deep inside me tells me that I was destined for something great, something valuable. But what?
I suppose that a majority of the great figures of history did not seek greatness. They simply reacted to the things that happened to them, and in the process made history. Perhaps my moment of greatness, my great opportunity has simply not arrived yet. Or perhaps my belief that I was meant to be great is simply an expression of my own egotism. Perhaps I was meant to live a small life.

-Juniper